It's the 3rd week of my MBA program at INSEAD. One thing I am enjoying a lot, besides the huge parties, is the optional reading material of the courses. These readings are mostly applications of what we are taught in class to real world situations. One such reading was an article The $100 Terrorist Insurance Plan for our Economics class. The reading was given in relation to our class on Supply, Demand and Markets. The article suggests a solution to the screening done during the security check by airlines. There is a demand for security checks and people are willing to pay for it. So the targeted passengers should be compensated for the trouble. Equipped with the knowledge worth 5 sessions of Economics, I find the solution pretty neat.

It's a shame that I hardly have time to read the optional cases which are the most fun part of the courses.

When I went back to Delhi in the summer of 2005 a fleeting thought passed my mind while packing my clothes – maybe I shouldn’t pack my tank tops and skirts. I had been living alone for 6 years in San Francisco, wearing whatever I felt like, going wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. And it was going to really hot in Delhi. I was confident that I could tackle anything that came my way.

In Delhi, I was warned against wearing shorts to the gym so I wore my track pants the first day. I almost passed out from the heat while working out and resolved to wear my shorts the next day onwards. I wasn’t about to let fear of being harassed interfere with something as mundane as a good workout. I came up with a theory that if I appeared confident and unafraid, no one would harass me. I glared at any men who came too close and sure enough nobody harassed me.

This gave me the confidence to venture out alone to Connaught Place. I wore a knee length skirt, hailed an auto rickshaw and made my way to meet my friends in CP. On my way there I noticed a man on a motorcycle driving beside me and staring. I didn’t give it much thought and just looked away. When I got off the man also got off his bike and accosted me. He asked me for my number. I was taken aback but thought he was on of those “I would like to be friends with you” guys. I walked in another direction but he wouldn’t go away. I was zigzagging through cars trying to get away. He shouted at me “What do you think you are? I know exactly what you do!” I was too confused to react. What did that guy mean? What give him any indication of “What I am?” I looked around at people thinking if they would protect me if he tried anything funny. Fortunately I spotted my friend and walked towards her. As I was telling her about the incident the man disappeared. She told me that while she was waiting for me in front of the Wimpy’s an uncle-ji tried to feel her up. She even pointed him out while we walked away.

On my way back I kept watching out for any motorcycle that stayed with us for more than a couple of miles. Nothing had changed since I was a fourteen year old girl afraid to walk home from my bus stop after school. Everyday in the bus, as we neared my bus stop, I would start dreading the walk home. A nearby school ended at the same time and a group of school boys would harass the girls passing by. They would shout obscenities and throw stones at my feet. I used to look forward to examination days when I got home earlier and didn’t have to pass by that group of boys. I was jealous of my cousins who had an elder brother who walked the same route with them. He once chased a boy who teased his sister and beat him up. I was jealous of my twin brother and sister who also walked together. I tried to get my mother to pick me up from my bus stop but didn’t know how to explain the mental turmoil I went through everyday. One day on my way back, after I had passed the group of school boys, I turned a corner, and a man turned towards me and flashed me. That day onwards I started taking a longer route home just so I wouldn’t have to pass that corner again.

When I turned eighteen I was ecstatic to start learning to drive. I could now drive and never have to walk or take auto rickshaws or the most feared – DTC Buses. The joy didn’t last long when my driving instructor surreptitiously started touching my breasts while changing gears or turning the wheel. I wasn’t sure how to tell my parents that I didn’t want to learn driving from that instructor. I asked my dad to teach me driving but got into a small accident. I had to continue my lessons with the driving instructor.

Now when I think of these incidents I can’t imagine why I didn’t take action against this kind of harassment. But as a girl in my early teens I lacked the confidence and maturity to deal with these incidents. I was too embarrassed to discuss any of this with my parents. I just learnt to go to any length to avoid a group of boys loitering on the streets or to make up excuses about why I need my grandmother or cousin to be in the car with me while I learnt to drive.

When male friends from Delhi narrate stories of eating paranthas at 1 am on the roadside or playing holi with friends on the streets, I am amazed. These are luxuries that I could never afford. They are amazed when I tell them that I only traveled in a bus once. They automatically attribute it to me being a rich spoiled brat and I prefer not to tell them the real reason. I would rather repress the thoughts of one of the worst experiences of my lives.

I can only begin to imagine how traumatized my sister could have been during her teen years in Delhi. After having lived in the US for two years when she had an opportunity to visit Delhi, she refused. She desperately wanted to meet our family but was too scared to go back. I convinced her to go but she fretted for days leading up to the trip.

I thought I would be able to deal with such harassment as a mature woman now. I was not a scared teenager anymore. However, in Bangalore on a trip with my parents, when a man started running his hand up and down my leg, I could do nothing. If I told my parents I knew my dad would get in a fight with him. I didn’t want him to get hurt. I just kept scooting closer and closer to my sister till she asked me what the matter was. She switched seats with me since she was wearing jeans and stomped on his hand. After all he couldn’t complain either.

I once started researching Sexual Harassment in India to write a paper for a class called “Women, Minorities and Law.” During that research I found out that “Eve teasing” is a termed coined and used only in India. I never wrote that paper, it was too painful. I sometimes day dream that incidents of street harassment would air on television and men would be forced to face the guilt. They would be made aware of the trauma they cause. I’m not sure when that day would come but Blank Noise is definitely a step in the right direction.

I was flipping through the latest issue of Newsweek at home today when an article caught my eye. It read "If you look at two recent events, you might well conclude that the Chinese are a lot smarter at handling the US than Indians are at handling them." Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I read the line again; it actually said "If you look at two recent events, you might well conclude that the Chinese are a lot smarter at handling the US than we are at handling them." I had read the "we" as "Indians." It is strange that I made that translation automatically since I was in the US, reading an American magazine and I recently became an American citizen.

I had mixed feelings the day I took the oath - I could now visit South American countries without getting a visa, but I would have to get a visa to go to India. It was disturbing to sign a document saying that I would be willing to bear arms for the US. When I reached my office that day, I tried to explain my confused feelings to a sympathetic co-worker. She simply remarked - "well you look the same and you talk the same, nothing has changed." And really what has changed?

To me Independence Day still means August 15th and "we" is still Indians. If anything, living amongst Americans has made me more aware of how I am different from them. How I nod my head from side to side in affirmative sometimes instead of up and down, how it makes me uncomfortable to see someone step on a book or how much I enjoy eating with my hands. Living outside of India has sensitized me to the behavior that so distinctly "Indian". For example, in Bombay when I bought an ice cone from an old man at the beach he felt it his duty to tell me where to sit so that I was as far as possible from a group of young men lurking near by. Had I never left India, I wouldn't have appreciated the sentiment behind his insistence on where I sit. In Bangalore when a man selling flowers naturally started arranging them in my sister's hair, the act seemed especially endearing when I compared it to the man in Berkeley who snapped at her for accidentally brushing her hair against his face.

Undeniably, having spent more than half of my life in America and Britain, I do have western influences. My work ethics are that of a professional in the Silicon Valley and my ambitions are inspired by American organizations. As I learn more about the American culture and compare it to my own, I wonder if my years in America are making me more American, less Indian or more American and even more Indian.

There was a good program on NPR about the Caste System in India. The guest was Narendra Jadhav, born in a sub class, who is the chief economist of the RBI. I learnt through this program that Dr. Ambedkar played a bigger role in the movement to eradicate the class system than Mahatma Gandhi did. The Q&A session was very interesting; the major controversy being about the reservation in colleges. Some people from the Brahmin class argued that the reservation was unfair.

One point raised against the reservation seems to be that privileged people from the lower castes exploit the system to gain admission. A question was brought up asking Jadhav if his daughter took advantage of the reservation. He said that she didn't and he himself didn't do so himself after his education. It is true that many people from SC/ST with equal opportunities as others from different classes do get through due to the reservation, but it cannot be removed just yet. As one caller suggested, the solution is to probably base the system on both social and economic class.

I recently wached a documentary called India’s LadyBoys about hijras in India. The documentary concentrated on the story of two people - one who was born androgynous and another who chose to become one by getting crastrated. One of the most surprising parts of the documentary was the description of a festival that celebrates hijras. It seemed akin to the LGBT pride celebration in San Francisco. It is held in Koovagam, Tamil Nadu and according to the documentary the people of the Koovagam embrace the celebration and very open minded to the hijras who go to participate.

Watching the documentary provided insightful views into the lives of hijras -- their lives, concerns, and interaction with others.

My brother came over and got a crab along. It is in a box with water and food. I've been looking at it for about 15 mins and the poor thing hasn't moved an inch. It is saddening to see an animal trapped like that. I don't understand how anyone can enjoy keeping a living being caged in their house.

It's just one of those days when incidents keep piling up to invoke a much stronger response. First there was news about a teenager driving his car over ducks over and over. Then I read this article about animals' self destructive behavior due to stress induced by bombing. And now watching this poor crab trapped in a box is heart wrenching.

I think I will sneak the crab out and set it free, but where?

I've heard some discussion on the fact that NRI's are doing a disservice to their country by leaving the country to work in another county and how some people absolutely refuse to go to another country even if they are given a chance. I appreciate their choice but I feel that living in another country gives you a perspective that you wouldn't have gained otherwise. It makes you more aware of who you are. If you keep living with people who are basically the same, you would never be aware of how you differ from people with different cultures.

I feel that I am now very aware of myself, of my likes/dislikes. For example, I know that I like eating with my hands;I don't like when people step on books or paper; I get a bit uncomfortable when people make sexual jokes; I don't like talking about money or stocks much; I love spicy food; I love and respect my parents; i have an inherent respect for older people; i nod my head side to side when i agree which confuses people.

These are things I probably would never have thought of if I was living in India because these are the common basic qualities that most people around me would possess. Like I would have never even thought that I prefer dating Indian men if I had never gotten the opportunity to date American men.

Similarly, when i go back to India there are a lot of things I am more appreciative or critical of as a result of having lived in another country. For example, I realize that personal distance is shorter in India, people ask and tell salaries, and other trivial differences one wouldn't think about if one had always lived in the same culture.

I am always comforted to see people back in India who look like me and behave the same way, but I am also appreciative of the ways we are different from people in another country. So I think that everyone should try living in another country for sometime, just to gain the perspective, learn about a different culture and most importantly learn about oneself.

I started learning Spanish 2 months ago. I made decent progress I believe, but am still far from being able to speak it. Maybe some day I will be able to write my posts in Spanish. Studying Spanish somehow reminded me of the times when I used to take Sanskrit. My teacher is from Argentina so she pronounces "ll" as "j" instead of "y" as most Spanish speaking people in the US do. My pronounciation is funny to my sister and her friends who learnt Spanish from a teacher from Spain. I will have to make a conscious effort to change my pronounciation, if I ever get to the point where I can converse in Spanish.

Memorizing conjugations of verbs in Spanish reminds me of having to learn the seven vibhaktiya (I completely forget what those were for). Learning Spanish is not very hard though. A friend was telling me that is because Spanish does not have gender specific verbs, that is, to say "she/he is going shopping" is the same "ella/él va de comprass", but I'm not fully convinced by the argument. According to this website, it is a myth that Spanish is easier than French. I tried translated "she/he is going shopping" to French and came up with a similar result - "elle/il va commercial".


To me Spanish seems to be a sexist language. Take for example the following -

él hermano = brother
la hermana = sister
son hermanos = 1 or more brother(s) and 1 or more sisters

mi madre = my mother
mi padre = my father
mis padres = my parents

tío = uncle
tía = aunt
tíos = uncle(s) + aunt(s)

And the list goes on...I guess it's easy to be critical of a language that is new to you. It's much harder to think critically of Hindi or English for me.

I learned a new term in my Spanish class - false cognate. It means words that sound like they should mean something similar in English, but they actually don't. For example, parientes sounds like it should mean parents, but it actually means relatives (close, but not quite) and largo means long, not large

And there are some new things about Spanish, like there are different adjectives for a this, that, and that over there (far away) -- este/esta (male/female), ese/esa, aquel/aqulla. Also, there is another tense in addition to past, present and future -present progressive, which is to describe events happening right now like I am writing (I'm not sure how this is different than gerund in English, but my teacher taught it to us as another tense rather than gerund).

Another useful thing I learnt that I keep forgetting is how to write letters with the accent. Here's the useful guide (for Word; doesn't work for IE, but it works in yahoo messenger) -

Accent (á) -> Ctrl + ' (a, e, i, o, u)
Tilde (õ) -> Ctrl + Shift + ~ (o, n, s ..
Inverted question (¿) -> Ctrl + Shift + Alt + ?

Try it, it's fun!