Saturday, March 26, 2005

Happier Endings

Every single person I meet has been or still is in a relationship that isn't working. At a recent girls' night out bad relationships seemed to THE topic. One woman was raving about the book "He's just not that into you." Incidentally, on the train ride to meet these friends, I had read criticism of the same book in Time magazine. The author had suggested a much better title for a book - "I'm just not that into him." Whichever way it is; why do most relationships end in blowups?

My women friends were putting all the blame on men. Surprisingly, I was defending the opposite sex, arguing that in a relationship it could be either one who mistreats the other. I have men and women friends in equal numbers who have been hurt in relationships so I can’t blame just men. A lot of men do seem to have the primary aim of getting laid for which they will lie through their teeth, but some women can be quite selfish too.

There are a lot of reasons for relationships to go bad. Here are some of the frequent ones I've heard:
1. one person wants to get married, while the other doesn't
2. one person wants to live in US, the other wants to go back to India
3. one likes to go out, other likes to stay in.
4. most commonly, one wants to explore other options thinking maybe there is something better out there

I don't know if it's a good idea to give up a good relationship in hopes of finding something better. There will always be an imbalance. One will be better looking/more desirable than the other and one will love the other more. It is usually the "better" or more loved one who ends the relationship or treats the other badly. Probably because this person thinks that he/she can do better. I wish it weren't that way. I wish before thinking that his girlfriend is overweight, a guy would think about how she lovingly gives him a back rub in the morning. Or before thinking that her boyfriend isn't a sharp dresser, a girl would think about how the guy rushes to assist her in every small task. And instead of spending too much time obsessing about the way he talks while eating, she thinks about the precious 5 minutes he spends kissing her on the cheek and stroking her hair before going to work while she is still half asleep in bed.

I wish I heard more success stories than failures. So there wouldn't be a need to write books like "He's just not that into you" and series like "Sex and the City" would not be as popular. I want to see people getting married to their boyfriend/girlfriend of years, instead of finally giving up and resorting to arranged marriage. I wish for more 'happily ever after's. They don't just exist in fairy tales, do they?

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